Pengawa ba rumah panjai

Miss u oll  ka menua din laban tudah pangan ka udah jauh belelang ngiga penemu enggau pemandai dikena napi pengidup ka dudi ari. Arap semua kaban belayan diri sebilik dimenua gerai belama lalu mujur ba semua pengawa. Taja kita jauh dimata tang ba ati semak belama. Aku nemu reta enggau duit enda ulih ka malas pemanah budi kita dikena kami besekula begiga ka pemandai. Tang siti aja pinta aku minta kita ka di menua din besampi meh ka kami ditu. Amin.

Sorry I’m Sorry: An Essay on Anxious Apologies

I’m sorry. It’s something that I say a lot, if you’re around me. I apologize, usually with a little nervous laugh, probably because I stepped into your path or I accidentally interrupted you. I might say it if I accidentally touch your arm. But I’m more likely to apologize, sometimes in a very blurting, slightly explosive way, if you say you like something that I don’t like. Or if we share different opinions on something. I sometimes apologize for my quirks, like my irrational hatred for birds. And I don’t know why I constantly apologize. I don’t know why my default is to say I’m sorry.

I’ve said before that apologies start to mean nothing when you say you’re sorry all the time. And I’ve heard the stereotype about Canadians, that we never stop apologizing for just being us. But I have noticed, as I’ve gotten older, that I have an inherent nervousness that I feel like I have to apologize for. I have noticed that my apologies, while genuine, are also knee-jerk reactions that I throw out when I’m around people, especially people I want to impress. I’ve noticed that my natural shyness, that I struggle with daily to bury under an exterior of confidence and friendliness, betrays me when I apologize constantly. It tells everyone around me that I’m still struggling with self-confidence, with self-worth. I know this stuff . . . and I’m sorry.

I know inherently that there’s not one person in this world who doesn’t feel wrong-footed and awkward at least sometimes. The problem is that I feel that way a lot. I feel paranoid, like the world thinks I’m stupid and can see right through me. I feel like when I brag, or I nervously blurt out a lot of facts and information that I find interesting but others don’t, that everyone wishes I would shut up and go away. And when you have anxiety, like I do, this is your brain’s constant lie. The fact is, no one cares about how you appear because no one is even thinking about you. Everyone is concentrated on themselves. I’ve been through the cognitive behavioural therapy journey and I can usually explain these things away to myself.

Except that it comes out when I apologize. I’m sorry.

I used to stammer when I was nervous. Not badly and certainly not prohibitively, but it would happen and I’d cringe every time. I’m sorry. It sometimes still happens, when I talk to upper management or when I meet someone new. I’m sorry. When I was little, I used to be unable to speak to anyone new at first, because my shyness would paralyze my tongue. I don’t do that anymore, but when I’m called on how quiet I am in certain settings, I remember being asked why the cat always had my tongue. I’m sorry. I used to twitch and shake my hands when I was nervous or excited. It was a habit I was gently and cutely made fun of for by my family and close friends. I still do it sometimes unconsciously when I’m excited or nervous now. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

Anxiety is this beast that sits right over your forehead and turns your head back and forth, showing you things you don’t want to see. Things that aren’t really there. And with the clarity of getting older and learning to deal with shyness and anxiety, I’ve realized that my anxiety lies. So, I’m working on this knee-jerk apologizing.

I’m sorry.  I’m sorry that I apologize all the time for things I don’t have to apologize for. That I’ve made you think that I’m someone who doesn’t deserve to take pride in her accomplishments and her intelligence. I’m sorry that I’ve made you think that the mistakes that I make are life-threatening and life-changing, that they’re things that can’t be fixed and that are the end of the world. I’m sorry that my self-confidence is low and that I feel like I have to apologize for that. I’m sorry for apologizing for having my own opinions. I’m sorry that I apologize for nothing and everything, because doing so might make me more likeable, or cooler, or more normal. I’m sorry that I apologize for quirks that I have, that might be annoying, or might be stupid, or might be nothing at all because everyone has quirks and that’s okay.

I’m sorry, self, that I’ve made you think you need to constantly apologize for being YOU. You are a pretty cool person no matter what anyone thinks. And the big thing is, they’re not thinking about you half as much as you think about yourself and how you appear to the world.

So let’s stop apologizing. Apologize when you’ve hurt someone. Apologize when you’ve made a mistake that has caused someone pain or suffering in any way. Apologize when you’re wrong and strive to be better next time. Mean your apologies. Make them genuine.

Because I’m really NOT sorry that I am the way I am. My anxiety just likes to make me think that I should be. And my anxiety is wrong.

I’m not wrong for existing. And I’m not going to apologize for it anymore.

Borneo Update

        

RAJANG RIVER

ULU AWIK ROAD

        Nowadays, Ba menua sarawak ditu mayuh kitai bansa asal ka lebih agi kitai ka dikumbai DAYAK. Dia kitai meda suba kitai meh enti muka berimba ka tanah reta pesaka kitai. Kitai ka meh nyadi tuan ba menua kitai ditu. TANG diatu nyau urang bukai neh. Kati ku nya? Utai tu bepun ari bansa kitai enti enda ulih begulai enggau pangan diri laban begedi binking lalu berunding ka ngidup diri sebilik aja. Keni ulih ka mansang ka bansa. Nyadi bansa urang enda bakanya. Mayuh udah tanah enggau asil kayu kampung di rampas urang ba menua kitai empu. Diatu kitai meda mayuh tanah enggau rumah panjai di menua Borneo tu dimasuk ba Pan Borneo Highland. kati pampas ka beri perintah cukup ke kitai ka idup berumur-umur tentu enda meh wai. Amat meh nya pemansang dikereja perintah tang kitai meda menua kulu agi mayuh tinggal ari pemansang baka api, jalai enggau ai. Internet networking nya jauh agi deh lalu nadai pemansang entu dipeda. Nya aja. semina bekunsi ka penemu aku aja. Terima kasih.

History of Longhouses

      Di sarawak rumah panjang merupakan rumah tradisi kaum Iban. Rumah panjang mempunyai ciri dan keistimewaan tersendiri dari segi keselamatan dan kebudayaan. Seni bina ini berpegang teguh dengan adat tradisi tempatan suku kaum Iban. Gaya pembinaannya juga tidak dipengaruhi oleh masyarakat luar. Rumah panjang kaum Iban mempunyai struktur dan fungsinya tersendiri. Bahagianbahagian seperti bilek, sadau, dapur, tempuan, ruai dan tanju berfungsi untuk penghuni rumah panjang hidup dengan selesa. 

   Dalam rumah panjang, bilik dan bahagianbahagiannya adalah milik setiap keluarga dan tanggungjawabnya menjaga serta membersihkannya juga terletak pada keluarga bilik berkenaan. Selain itu, rumah panjang kaum Iban juga mempunyai ciriciri seperti berikut iaitu menggunakan tiang jenis kayu dan tidak mudah reput seperti kayu terbelian yang mudah didapati di Kepulauan Borneo. 

       Bumbungnya dari daun rumbia seperti Biru, Pantu, Mulong dan jenis daun tebal. Dinding rumah pula diperbuat daripada kulit kayu seperti terentang atau buluh yang dikelar dan dibelah. Lantainya pula menggunakan buluh, papan atau kulit kayu. Manakala tangga rumah pula diperbuat daripada sebatang kayu bulat yang ditaktik dengan beliong dan dipanggil sebagai tangga taktik. Rumah panjang mempunyai tiga ruang iaitu tanju, ruai (ruang terbuka) dan bilik. Pada, bahagian di atas bilik dan ruai pula di panggil sadau (peran) sebagai tempat tidur anak dara disamping tempat menyimpan bijian dan perkakas.

      Kajian ini bertujuan untuk melihat seni bina rumah panjang milik kaum Iban di Rumah Tinggang, Saratok. Melalui seni bina rumah ini gambaran jelas menunjukkan kepakaran kaum Iban dalam membina rumah pada masa dahulu. Kajian ini amat menarik untuk dikaji memandangkan rumah panjang ini masih mengekalkan stuktur rumah panjang dan fungsinya juga masih sama walaupun ada sedikit perubahan berbanding rumah panjang dahulu. Selain itu, kajian ini turut bertujuan untuk mengenalpasti struktur rumah panjang di rumah Tinggang. Setiap bilik dalam rumah panjang Iban terbahagi kepada beberapa bahagian utama iaitu bilek, dapur, sadau, tempuan, ruai dan tanju. Bahagian-bahagian ini mempunyai peranan tertentu dalam kehidupan masyarakat Iban.